Will You Be My Band Aid?
by Li'ain
Summary: Set five years after 02, Ken finds himself turning to self harm. As he becomes more dependant on this violence will an old friend be able to pull him out of trouble or will he merely sink with him.Kenkeru. Complete
1. Chapter 1

Warning: This fic has dark and depressing issues so don't go complaining when you discover them. Also there is shounen-ai in this fic so if it offends you please don't read.

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon and never will, sadly so no suing.

A/N: This story is set roughly five years after the end of series two. I'm gonna pretend episode 50 did not happen. So enjoy

Chapter One:

Sunday, 3rd April 2005

Ken Ichijouji stared as the coffin was lowered slowly to the ground. His mother's hand tightened on his shoulder. Her wails of grief were a huge contrast to his impassive face.

People looked at his tearless eyes, his steady stance and murmured to their companions. He could imagine their thoughts. "What's wrong with this boy? He doesn't even cry at his father's funeral. The old him would have felt insecure but all he felt was a dull regret. All his senses were dulled, lately. He went through the motions but inside he was empty, devoid of emotion.

He was glad of the sanctuary of his room after the funeral. People kept asking how he was. What would they think if he said the truth, his father's death hadn't hurt him, in the slightest? He gave a small smile at the idea of their shock.

There was the flip side to his happiness at being alone though. He was able to think. To discover fully just how empty he was. Ken began to worry. No. Worry was to strong a word. He began to negatively wonder if he had lost his humanity, his ability to feel.

He thought of his father's death, trying to stir the feelings that must be lying within him somewhere. They'd been driving to a football match. His father had been complaining once again about his hair. "But Dad, I like it that way."

"You look like a girl."  
"I suppose you agree mother?"  
"Well dear, it's even getting near your shoulders now."  
"I'll take that as a yes than."  
"Oh Ken."  
"I'm not cutting it!"  
His father had given a tut of annoyance, "Sam would never have acted this way."  
"What?" cried Ken in anger.  
"Now, now, you two don't fight." His mother had pleaded more than ordered.  
"Mum, if dad feels Sam was the better son than he should say it to my face."  
His father turned to face him. "I'm sorry. Of course I didn't mean it that way. I just-"  
"Kevin!" Ken remembered the unearthly scream of his mother as the petrol tank had crashed into them.

The impact had been huge though the driver had tried to swerve. His father was killed instantaneously. His mother's spine was damaged possibly forever. Due to her being hospitalised the funeral had been postponed for nearly a month.

He'd gone to see her, played the dutiful son but truth was ever since that day he hadn't felt a thing. No real sensations of any kind. It felt like he was walking around in a bubble. Nothing that happened to the outside world connected with him. It had no relevance for the fatherless child.

He stared at his computer screen. It wasn't even switched on. He had no desire to surf the Internet or programme. He'd no desire to do anything at all. He looked at Wormon's empty basket. Ken had been so upset when Wormmon informed his partner that he would be returning to the digital world with the other digimon. Now he could barely picture his little green buddy never mind remember his personality.

Ken wanted this numbness to end. His gaze rested on his stationary mug. He picked out one of his pencils, sharpened it a little and pressed the point into his thumb. His body awoke to the pain and for one second he felt alive. It was over all too quickly. Ken yearned to achieve that alive state once more.. Maybe somehow he could intensify the feeling though and make it longer? He looked around again until his gaze finally rested on the scissors.

Monday, 18th April 2005

16-year-old, Takeru Takashi bounded up the court. His spirit reaching new heights as he grabbed the ball off a fellow player. He aimed for the net, reached back his arm and was shocked to discover, someone had nicked the ball. he spun 'round and watched helplessly as the opposite team scored a three pointer.

T.K shrugged his bag off his shoulders and dashed up to his room to ring his girlfriend, Kari Kamiya.  
"Hey Kari!"  
"Oh…hello T.K." She sounded a bit distracted to say the least.  
"Kari you'll never guess what, the coach told me I'm off the basketball team."  
"Why?" T.K was glad to hear the genuine concern in her voice. He'd been imagining things before.  
"Said I no longer played as well as I needed to and maybe with practice I could get back in. Isn't that so unfair?"  
"We-el. Your game has dropped a little."  
"You agree with him?" T.K found his incredulity difficult to hide.  
"I'm sure you'll get it back together. In fact I know you will. After all I wouldn't be dating a loser, right?"  
Her boyfriend gave a murmur of agreement. He would get better; he just needed some more practice. Feeling much more optimistic he began his homework.

Saturday, 23rd April 2005

"See you later, T.K." The blond teenager waved goodbye to his elder brother and turned to head home.

It was 2.pm , he and Matt had spent the morning browsing shops where they could never buy anything and then had a huge lunch to waste the little money they did have. T.K had been glad to spend some time with Matt. They barely spoke any more since Matt was so busy with his college work.

**CRASH.  
**"I'm sorry," a boy muttered. T.K looked up at the person he'd just walked into. "Ken? I can't believe it's you!" If he'd been a puppy his tail would've wagged. He looked up at his old friend. Sure his blue hair had grown a little and he'd lost a little weight but he was still plainly Ken. "Hey, Takeru." Ken finally responded. T.K was surprised he used his full name over the nickname everyone used.  
"Well, bye then." said Ken stepping into the crowd.  
"Wait! Why don't we grab lunch or something? You don't have to be anywhere do you?" Ken stared at the chibi-like face wishing he'd just go away but he had to give in.  
"No, I don't have to be anywhere."  
"Good,"smiled T.K, "'Cause I've a favour to ask you."  
"What?"  
"You're good at sports right."  
"Well, yeah, I guess so."  
"So, I was wondering would you help me get better at basketball?"  
"Why?"  
T.K looked a little embarrassed, "I've been kicked off the team and I need to improve."

--------------------Ken's POV---------------------

What's this I'm feeling? Is it pity? He looks so sad and ashamed. He looked much better when there was a huge smile on his face.  
"First off, if you want to be good at basketball?"  
"uh-huh?" asked Takeru eyes alight with hope.  
"Cut down on junk food, for a start." I smiled pulling the unwilling boy away from Burgers-R-Us. "C'mon Takeru, we can get a healthy lunch back at mine."

I was shocked at my forwardness. After all we hadn't spoken for a few years now, since I lived in another district. Did we actually have enough food in the house to make a healthy lunch? It was too late to back out though.

"Sure, Ken that would be great. Don't you live quite far away, though?"  
"We moved." I knew I was being short with him but I didn't want to say why we'd moved or to talk about my father's death. I didn't want Takeru to turn from behaving in an ordinary manner to the pitying awkward people- who surrounded me -with no idea what to say. I wanted to take my mind off all that so I didn't feel dead inside.

"Cool, let's go." He dragged me by the arm and it tickled me that he was leading with no idea where he was going. I stepped forward and led the way.

Our new apartment's quite small but it's still cosy. It was funny, I'd barely noticed it when we'd moved in but Takeru was all over it. "Wow, Ken it's a really nice view over here."  
"I guess."  
I wandered over to the fridge while he enjoyed spotting different places he knew. Dammit no food. My mum was staying with her sister again. Aunt Tomoyo and Uncle Touya could look after her properly even though her back caused trouble. I was asked to come as well of course but I'd rather be by myself.

"Sorry, Takeru. We've no food." I glanced at him; his blond hair was spikier than I remembered yet his eyes still were an open view into his thoughts. The big similarity though was he still felt older than me and somehow wiser.  
"Ken why do you call me Takeru?"  
"Well you seem too mature to be T.K any more."

------------T.K's POV------------------

I felt somehow special because he said that. It was like he was acknowledging I'd grown. It was nice. There was a silence not awkward just thoughtful. I looked around his new apartment.  
"So, Ken, anywhere nearby we can play?"  
"Play? Oh right. Yeah, there's a park near here, I'll just grab a t-shirt and a basketball." He dashed into his room. I went to follow.

The door was ajar and I couldn't help but see…his chest. Vicious scars covered the flesh, "Holy God." I gasped in disbelief. Ken whirled around to face me. His eyes were alight with shock. "How dare you come into my room without my permission?"  
"I…I…I'm sorry." I stuttered in the face of his white hot anger, "But Ken how did you get all those cuts."  
"It's fine, Takeru, just go!"  
"I can't. I mean I won't until you tell me what's going on. I'm your friend Ken."  
"Then leave me in peace!" Hi voice reminded me of the long gone digimon emperor's but it was deeper now, more powerful, more frightening.  
"Let me help you, Ken."  
"There's no problem! I did them myself." Unable to contain my shock, I screamed, "You did those yourself? Why would anyone do that?"  
"I need to do it."  
"Why, Ken?"  
"You couldn't understand. If you tried it you'd know."  
I tried to calm down. "What would I know, Ken?"  
"I have utter control. With each cut I announce I'm human, announce I feel. It's ecstasy."  
"It's insanity. You need help."

He grabbed my chin and forced me to stare into his face, each feature finely cut. His blue eyes were dark with hidden truths, "TK, you can't help me."  
I grabbed the wrist of the hand that gripped me so tight. With my other hand I plucked the sweatband off. The scars were almost purple, there was literally no patch of clear skin. I guessed, most of these had been reopened many times, "maybe I can't help you but you definitely need someone." I rushed out of his apartment holding back my tears.

-----------Third person--------

Takeru dashed out of the apartment making odd gulping noises. Ken merely slumped down onto the floor unable to take his eyes off his scarred wrist.  
I should feel something. He doesn't understand. I just don't function properly. It's my only way to feel real emotion.

Ken slipped the sweatband back on, covering up his scars, covering up his problem.

A/N: What did you think? Please remember to r+r. This is my first Kenkeru so I'm really interested in your thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Discliamer: I don't own digimon. There is a lot of self harm in this story. I do not endorse self harm and advise all people who feel like either character to talk to a trusted friend. There is shounen-ai in this story.**

Reviewer's Response:

Azure Rose:I know there's hardly any is there and they're a great pairing. Yey! I'm glad you can see the effort going in because it's a very intense plot and I'm trying to do it well.Love Sovereign: I'm really glad you enjoyed this and I'm sorry it took so long to update.  
The silent reviewer: Your muses are so cool!  
Krylancelo: yey!I hope I've got the characterization down sadly they'll just get further from the happy characters in 02.  
crying.a.river.of.blood: thanks for the encouragement, and here finally is the update.

Friday 29th April

_**From the pen of Ken Ichijoji:**_

Dear diary,

I know I'm upset I chased Takeru away but there's a wall as always between my feelings and my thoughts. I can make myself feel the regret through the pain but I panic in case my mother finds out so I have to make sure she doesn't return. I tell her I'm fine. I suppose I am but I'm lonely. Takeru made me feel that way. Takeru made me feel.

Friday 29th April

Takeru pulled on his jacket. It was time to go pick Kari up for their date. As he went to leave the flat he noticed the picture he still had on his wall. They'd taken a large one just before the digimon had gone home. He was holding Kari's hand staring straight at the camera a grin plastered across his face. There stood the others all clustered as close to the middle as possible. There standing a little way away from everyone was Ken a closed in expression upon his face. Takeru had never noticed but Ken's eyes were the colours of tears. He shook his head to clear such odd thoughts and dashed out to Kari's.

**Knock**

"Hello, Mrs Kamiya. Is Kari in?"  
"Yes, she's in her room."  
"Oh." Takeru squirmed unsure whether to come in or wait outside.  
"You can go on through, T.K. Your friend Davis is there too."  
Takeru walked in wondering what the hell Davis was doing up there. Would he want to accompany them? He pushed open the door.

Davis' arms were around Kari's waist and both their heads were very close. "Davis, should we? I mean...T.K..."  
Davis snorted, "You know T.K's too immature for you. He hasn't even kissed you yet."  
"He says he wants our first kiss to be special."  
"And you think it's nicer to pretend it's your first one too. Listen, T.S is my friend. He's great fun but he's so young for his age."

"Who said I was your friend, you little traitor?" Takeru roared.  
"T.K."Kari gasped, "We were just talking."  
"I've been here ages Kari. You were planning to ditch me for this piss ant!"  
"Piss ant? I'm not a piss ant!"  
Davis and Kari both started arguing at the tops of their voices. Takeru squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't bear it and he didn't want to hear it. He dashed away from their calls and ran without stopping until he had to stop or faint.

He finally noticed where he was. Ken's new flat. Odd. He stood at the door unsure whether to knock or not. The door opened. Ken stood there his blue hair tied back in a loose ponytail. "Takeru, what are you doing here?"  
"I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll go now." said Takeru feeling the blood rush to his cheeks.  
"No, wait. I'd be honoured if you'd come with me to get some groceries. I'm happy to listen to your problems."  
"Seriously."He sprang at the suggestion. Then remembered Davis's comments on his childlike behaviour and gave a short nod.

They strode down to the shops and back all the time Takeru venting his anger with Kari, with Davis with everything.  
"Feel better?"smiled Ken as the blond boy paused for a very much needed breath.  
The blond boy shrugged. "I guess but I just can't express how much it hurt to see them together."  
Ken nodded unlocking the door to his flat. "I can understand that. I have a theory that some people's bodies are bad at letting feelings in and out. They don't feel properly." he turned to look straight into Takeru's cerulean pools. "You're still cutting yourself,aren't you?" Ken blushed and felt his hand cup itself protectively over his wrist. Takeru saw the movement and pulled ken's sleeve up to reveal what could only be described as a gash.  
"I can't believe you willingly did this to yourself!"  
"You don't understand."growled Ken.  
"Is it because I'm just a child?"  
Ken grabbed T.K'sarm holding him in place. "When you say that you sound like a child. But most of the time you're not. You're much more mature than that idiot Davis or his new girlfriend. This is just something you need to experience for yourself before you can fully understand, like... kissing."  
Takeru felt the blood rise to his cheeks. Ken smiled at his embarrassment. "or something like that."

T.K's Scrap Book

It was funny. I thought it would be awkward with Ken once is saw the huge gash on his arm but he didn't expect me to understand and we soon moved on to talking about other things. He's really easy to chat too and he understands me. I wish I could help him in the same way.

Friday 6th May 

Takeru banged on Ken's door. He'd raced over here from school as he'd done every day for the past week. Ken was waiting there as usual. He wore a white tee-shirt over blue sleeves and comfy light blue jeans. Takeru noticed none of this looking straight at the guitar lying on the sofa.  
"Do you play?"  
Ken blushed and nodded. His hand rubbing his wrist,in what T.K now noticed as being the definitive Ken motion for embarrassment.  
"A little. Not very well. I guess so."  
"Would you play for me?"

Ken thought for aw hile than gentlynodded picking up the guitar, "I wrote this one myself."

_Release.  
__Pleasure and pain.  
__Interchanging.  
__Blood is just red rain.  
__Cleansing._

_Release  
__Heart and soul.  
__Feelings  
__They take their toll.  
__Demanding/_

_Release.  
__Sense not simplify  
__Unclear.  
__A need to amplify.  
__Fulfilling._

Ken started to strum a heartfelt instrumental and Takeru was entranced. With each slide of the strings the blue haired boy poured out a little more of his soul. His body was one with the guitar. Then Takeru noticed the blood trickling down the white shirt.

He screamed and frantically raced to Ken's side. His friend removed the guitar strap and simply stared at the river of red rushing to his stomach. Takeru wasting no time heaved off Ken's top and gasped anew. The cut was a small one but it was bleeding ferociously. Thanking the first aid course his Mum had made him take, Takeru stemmed the blood flow. "This has got to stop."

Ken who had been enjoying the cool feel of his friends hand upon his raw and ruptured skin took a minute to respond.  
"Stop?"  
"Yes, I know it makes you feel better but this is can't be good."  
"I'm fine," said Ken irked as always by remarks on such a sensitive topic. He stood up, physically distancing himself from Takeru. Grabbing his top he went into his room to find another.

Takeru followed him shamelessly. He had to focus hard on the important matter at hand not Ken's pristine back with it's strong tense muscles but as the blackcotton dropped down his back Takeru's resolve stiffened.

"Look at how much blood is on my hand just from stemming that one cut!" He yeeled waving the offending article in Ken's surprised face. Ken grabbed it by the wrist and pulled T.K closer. He smiled at him and stuck his slightly pointed tongue out, gently licking the red stains off the tanned fingers. "It's my blood and it's my problem. I can deal with it myself I promise you."  
He released him and smiled, "I don't want you to feel the need to worry about me. I like you too much."

---Takeru's POV---

_I should tell someone. It's not my secret to tell. It doesn't matter not when it's so important. Ken's been a friend to me. I can't betray him_. 'Round and 'round the same thought's circulate through my mind. I glance at the near empty scrapbook upon my desk. I've written a few short entries but they can't express the enormity of this problem. I need to tell someone but I can't. Ken's face wavers into view in my mind. I can hear him telling me that cutting yourself releases feelings, _"I have a theory that some people's bodies are bad at letting feelings in and out."_

I glance around the room and catch site of the penknife, Matt bought me for my birthday. It's got a polished green handle and has a silver dragon emblazoned upon it. I flick it open, slowly selecting the knife. _Should I? Shouldn't I? _I raise the knife to where my arm meets my shoulder,one place no-one will ever notice. I slice deeper and deeper and I watch the pressure oozing out of my skin. There's no need to worry about whether I should or not. No question of tattling on Ken because I've begun and now I realise I can't let anyone know.

Author's Note: I really appreciate reviews and do take all you say to heart. I want to improve so help me. Also, I made up the above song myself and would love to know what you thought. I apologise for the long wait between updates and I'll try to be quicker with chapter three. I also hope the spelling and grammar have improved. (Takes deep breath) After all that, thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hi people, I know it takes me ages to update butI do try. This chapter's quite short, i'm afraid. Please take thetime to read and review. Oh and I'm interested to know what people feel about the way i use various diaries and alternating pov. Does it work or is it annoying?  
Readers Response:  
Azure Rose: Yay, it really means loads you think I've improved. I'm glad you liked the song too and there may be one in the next chapter.  
tabbycat411: Yey, i'm glad you like it and i love Takeru Ken stories but they seem quite rare don't they? In the next chapter more digidestined characters will make an appearance but none of them are going to be allowed to steal the spotlight from the heroes.  
Lost Flame:I love your name! I know the updates take ages but I like to have the time to do them well. i know that's no excuse but I'm a teenager,one oflife's procrastinators. However I've already started the next chapter so there's hope yet.  
Guardiangirl1: Yes, yes it is. I want it to be natural though and I;m not sure how far it will go.  
mad.as.a.hatter: Thanks for reading and i'm glad you enjoyed it though. if you don't like cliffysI don't think you'll love me at the end of this chapter. -  
auberysvampiregirl: Thanks for your compliments and here's more,more, more!

* * *

**Discliamer: I don't own digimon. There is a lot of self harm in this story. I do not endorse self harm and advise all people who feel like either character to talk to a trusted friend. There is shounen-ai in this story.**

Sunday 29nd May

Journal of Yamato Ishida

T.K's been worrying me. I know he's not just a little kid any more. He doesn't need me to protect him. Sometimes I think I'm overreacting. Then I wonder. He seems off somehow., like his mind's somewhere else. I dunno T.K has the most open face in the world but it seems like he's trying to keep it closed. I've asked him but he always makes an excuse and changes the subject. Is it just my imagination?

Monday 31st May

"Hey Ken!"the blond bounded into his friend's flat.  
"Hello, Takeru." replied Ken slowly not raising his eyes.  
"What?" asked Takeru bouncing over to him. Ken grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face him.  
"This has to stop."  
"What does?" asked Takeru, hurt evident in his voice.  
"The cutting."  
"What? But...but you do it too."  
"I know but you're becoming worse than me."  
"So, it's like you said. Some people can't let feelings in or out, right?"  
"Takeru I know I said that but remember your horror when you saw the marks on me? What changed your opinion so absolutely?"  
"I understand now. There's something wrong with my body. I can fix it."  
"The only thing wrong with your body is these!"exploded ken tearing T.K's shirt. Livid scars covered the skin. Some were barely healed. Takeru stared at him, anger flashing across his eyes. "That's enough. You're in the same boat as me so don't you dare act superior."  
"I...I didn't mean to...I..."  
"I looked up to you, Ken. I felt you were one of the few people I knew properly but you're just like everyone else, changeable as the wind."  
Ken shuddered as the door slammed in his face.  
"I care for you."

_**From the pen of Ken Ichijoji:**_

Dear diary,

I've hurt Takeru so badly, I don't know what to do. It's just I could bluff to myself that what we did wasn't a problem but seeing how fast he's got dependant. I remember the first time he came in. He looked so shaken. He didn't say a word but gently lifted up his t-shirt to show me the tiny cut. He looked so sad and ashamed. I was hugely embarrassed when he grabbed me in that bone crushing hug. I felt so stiff. I didn't know how to play the comforting friend yet when he whispered those words in my ear, I melted like chocolate in the sun. "I understand." It was great. There was someone to help me now, an ally. Remembering that makes me think of my first time, a sharpened bit of graphite. How had this escalated so badly? If Takeru and I were fixing our bodies why did we need to cut them more and more? It doesn't make sense.

Monday 31st May-Evening

"_Release.  
Pleasure and pain.  
Interchanging.  
Blood is just red rain.  
Cleansing."_

His voice rang clear as a bell, throughout the oncoming night. Ken watched from the shadow of the trees. His heart broke to see the agony he'd caused. Takeru was silhouetted against the setting sky. His hair falling gently into his eyes as he stared into the changing river. Ken turned away and strode out of the park. He wasn't the kind of person who could fix this. He was a failure at the game of life. He'd ruined Takeru's. He just hoped someone could pick up the pieces.

_**Ring Ring**_

...Hello? Teenaid, how may I help you?  
I keep cutting myself. I can't stop. I'm scared of being trapped in the bubble. I need an escape but I've dragged another down with me. I don't know how to help him. I thought it was okay but there's something wrong that may never be alright.  
It will be okay. Tell me slowly what the matter is. This other person. Can you tell us his name? He may need help too. What about your parent's or guardian, do they know?  
...

_**From the pen of Ken Ichijoji:**_

I know I'm a coward. Just the idea of my mother discovering. She'd be so hurt. It's all my fault. All of it. Takeru...I've caused you to become ill like me because I thought what I did was alright. I admit it now, I am a self-harmer. And because of my barbed friendship you are too.

Monday 14th May

-------------------------------------Ken's POV---------------------------------------------

Though I felt hugely guilty for everything I got used to it. Life moves on uncaring of our feelings. I haven't seen Takeru for a while now and yet sometimes I still expect to see him bound towards me yelling my name. It's odd. For the first time I'm thankful for my bubble because sometimes I feel I could scream if I felt as others do. Mother returned a couple of days ago. She's much better but when we remain in the same room, awkward heavy silences hang over us. It was during one such silence the phone rang. I dashed for it like my life depended on it.

"Hello, Ichijoji residence. How may I help you?...  
Kari,what?...  
No...  
H-he can't...  
I'm coming." I grabbed my coat and dashed out of the flat without a word to my mother. A while ago she would've been my first concern. I realised this was no longer true. With Kari's horrific words the bubble had burst I felt the pain raw and stinging.


	4. Chapter 4

**Discliamer: I don't own digimon. There is a lot of self harm in this story. I do not endorse self harm. There is shounen-ai in this story.**

Review Response:

someone: Thanks for your review. I didn't mean ay offence by the advice. I see exactly what you mean but its important to get stuff like that out in the open.  
The Silent Reviewer: Looks fearfully at muses It wouldn't be fair to separate you but thanks so much for reading.  
Azure Rose: Thanks very much for your comments. I really started to go off the format after the first chapter but it was my way to introduce everyone's points of view but I don't think I'll ever use it again.  
tabbycat411: I need cliff hangers to make sure my nice reviewers keep reading. I hope this lives up to your expectations.  
Lost Flame: I know my chapters are a little short but I felt a small update was better than none at all. I unfortunately have a lot of school work and other things going on in my life so I can only do what I can. Thanks for reading!  
Akuma Memento Mori: Thanks for the really nice compliments..  
dragon shadows: I'm so glad you like it. thanks for your review.

So now after such a long wait I give you the final chapter of "Will You Be My Bandaid?"

Chapter four

Ken dashed into the hospital, his breathing ragged. he ran up to the counter and screamed at the startled receptionist, "Where is he? Where is Takeru?" He felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Kari standing there. "Thanks for coming, Ken. You can see him soon. Just wait for one second."  
"I want to see him now, Kari."  
"Please wait."  
"Take me there."  
"I can't." he grabbed her arm with fingers like pincers. "Please."  
She led him down the corridors. All the same, all white, all smelling of disinfectant and all stifling.  
_Please be okay._

She brought him to a private room. Through the window Ken saw Takeru lying down attached to a drip. His eyes were closed and from Kari's expression Ken guessed he wasn't sleeping. His brother, Yamato, sat next to him with his head bent. He looked up at the window and his cheeks turned red. Ken pulled open the door and Matt flung himself at the blue haired teen. "How dare you show your face here? You freak!"  
"I just want to see T.K. That's all. I'm not here to cause problems."  
Matt grabbed Ken's head with his large hands and forced Ken to look at Takeru. "You've already caused problems, you fool! He's in a coma because of you. He might never wake up! T.K was always so happy and you spoiled it for him."  
Ken pushed away from Matt's grasp. "I never, I didn't mean to...I..."  
"Get out of here or I'll call the police."  
"I just need to know what's wrong with him." begged Ken blinking to hold back his tears.  
"He nearly bled to death because you'd messed with his head." Yamato started to haul Ken away and the boy took one last look and the only person he'd connected with so fully, the one he...what was the use? T.K was going to die and Ken would never say goodbye. And then he noticed it. Takeru's wrists were wrapped in tight bandages.

Tuesday 15th June

"I can't believe you convinced me to do this," Davis whispered.  
"Look it's partly our fault." answered his girlfriend.  
"How? We never told T.P to go and cut his freaking wrists."  
"Look, no-one can tell what pushes people to do mad things like this. No-one can say it was any individual's fault."  
"I can." came a voice out of the dark. "It's mine."  
Davis squirmed in the awkward silence. "Ken, I know you man, you never would have hurt T.K."  
"You don't know me and you never will. Are we going to do this or not?"  
Kari nodded holding up the torch. They were standing outside the hospital. It was night time. Matt would be getting some sleep in the relatives room. Davis went off to make sure he didn't return at an inopportune moment. Kari once again showed Ken the way to Takeru. "I'll be right outside. Take as much time as you want." Ken gave a brief nod and headed into the darkened room clutching his guitar to his side.

Ken brushed the hair from Takeru's face with a touch as gentle as a baby's breath. "You're still under then. I know you can't hear me but I was hoping you might just come around to my voice. I hurt you so badly but in a strange way it was only because I really cared for you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I feel the same way now as I did when you ran out of the flat I miss you." He carefully lifted up his guitar and began to strum.

_I thought blood was a cure.  
__I believe it no more.  
__Truly blood is red rain.  
__But you're the sun that dries the pain._

_So if you're ready to leave right away.  
__Then don't expect me to stay.  
__Whatever comes next, I'm coming too.  
__'Cause you'll never know anyone who understands you._

_Like I do. _The last line was a quiet and solemn whisper.

Desperately Ken checked his face for any sign that he had heard. This was it. he'd killed the only one he could ever love. He took out the razor he'd hidden under his headband. He prepared to slice one last time and then no longer be controlled by the urge to cut.  
"Ken?" croaked the patient.  
"Takeru!" The razor clattered to the floor as Ken grasped T.K in a bone crushing hug. "I'm so sorry. I hurt you so badly."  
"Never," the blond smiled, "I didn't really understand. Even though I thought I hated you when I was lying there I thought now I've gained more experience than Ken in letting feelings out and now I understand. It's all a lie. I should've let Ken know. That's what I thought. Even when we had fallen out we were still friends." Ken felt relief wash over him. Takeru didn't hate him. "Ken, am I dying?"  
"I don't know. In fact I should probably tell a nurse you're awake." Ken made to stand up but T.K's small hand grabbed his jumper. "Can you teach me, one last thing?"  
"Cutting itself wasn't all you made it out to be. You told me I would understand with experience like kissing. Is kissing terrible too?"  
Ken's eyes glazed with tears. His Takeru was still so cute. He leant down towards him.

Takeru tried to gasp as he felt Ken's lips crushing his own. Ken's tongue ventured into his mouth exploring every inch. As Ken pulled away he noticed Takeru's eyes wide with what? Shock? Happiness? Takeru's finger twisted in Ken's long blue locks. He moved in closer..."I understand it now, Ken. No-one understands. That's what is to be normal. One day we'll find out."

Kari's POV

I had to go in in the end. I mean they'd been in there hours. I was worried for Ken. I walked in gently and saw them. They were lying together, holding each other like they'd never let go. There were tear marks on Takeru's face. I heard my gasp echo around the room. If T.K had been crying, he must have woken up meaning maybe there was hope.

1st July

From the pen of Ken Ichijoji:

It's been tough but there's been so much improvement in both Takeru and myself. Takeru steadily improved from that night where he first fluttered his eyelids and looked up. I finally accepted my problem and went to a councillor who's really helping me. Relations between my mother and myself are much better. We are finally coping and supporting each other like any other family. My councillor advised me to tell her about how I felt when Dad died. Mun was really understanding. I almost wished I'd told her from the start. There is only one problem after all the aggravation I put Takeru and his family through I am forbidden to see him. This I find tough but I respect their reasons and therefore will not visit T.K again...in front of them.

1st July

The blond head spun around as he heard the steady strides of his most important person. He stepped up from where he had been sitting staring out at the sea eating the huge fruit that was the sun and made his way across the soft sand and shingle. They met together and looked taking in every feature of each other, happy just to be able to see. Takeru hugged Ken first and started to yammer on about his day and they both settled back down where he had originally sat and talked about nearly everything, until...

"Takeru, what's the point?"  
"Huh?"  
"What's the point of us being together if we have to be so careful that no-one sees us?"  
Takeru put on his serious face and thought. Then his face lit up "I know! My parents can't control us forever and I don't want you to get distracted with someone else while you're waiting."  
"I would never do that to you."  
T.K cocked his head, "Are you sure? Would you even remember what I looked like after a while?" He turned his back. "What colour are my eyes?"  
"Polka dot!" laughed Ken stuffing sand down the back of his shirt. The wrestled for sometime rolling over and over before finally collapsing in a panting heap.

Takeru propped himself on his elbow to look into Ken's peaceful face. His alabaster eyelids were closed and his little lips were slightly parted. He looked like he was blissed out. "The real reason, Ken," whispered T.K, "is I only feel like me when I'm here with you. To me you're the one who makes anything in the world seem beautiful." Ken felt salty fringe hit his face just before Takeru's mouth united with his own and then the electrical feeling of being one soul forever united impossible to part. Ken had been severely wounded but he was healing, slowly but surely because no injury can't be cured by a simple band-aid if you have the right kind.

* * *

Authors Note: I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I would like to thank everyone who read and reviewed this fanfic. It really us very encouraging to get reviews. I hope to write a sequel or two to this fic at some stage when I have more time. 


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